She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
