My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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