At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
