My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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