How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
