quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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