Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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