i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
