Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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