I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
