Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
