I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize