you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
