We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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