yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
