so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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