One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
