Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i will never coherently bang her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize