OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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