I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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