So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
