my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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