I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was confusing and full of hummus
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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