oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
