So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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