Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
