Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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