I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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