saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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