i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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