I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
