Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
