she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Panties = found
Randomize
