Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
