Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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