just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
