And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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