Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize