well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
