Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
