As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
