i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
