All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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