My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
