There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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