im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
