I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
