this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am midnight drunk by noon
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
