No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
