hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
