I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
