yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
