just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
