apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
