Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
