Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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