im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
