I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
