i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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