you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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