My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
