and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
