i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
