dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize