I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
