She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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