Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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