After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
