Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
