Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
