I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize