i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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