I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
