his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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