I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
