the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
