I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
